The ‘other man’ gets painfully left out, not yet knowing that is the best thing that could happen to him.
The reality is he’s looking for love like the rest of us and afraid of what he’ll find.The ‘other man’ is probably afraid that he won’t be able to ‘handle’ a love relationship with a fully available woman.If you love a married woman and you’re in a love relationship with her, read this post.You are engaged in what is commonly thought of as a ‘triangle.’ Triangles are rough on the heart.He thinks that loving someone else’s woman will save him from this fear of intimacy. In my mind, this is an opportunity for growth because triangles are not good for people.
But for the ‘other man’ this is a painful transition from an illusory relationship with a married woman in a triangle with a married man to a period of being alone again where some serious work can be done on his love life (if he’s up for it).Let’s do one at a time starting with the ‘other man.’ He is definitely looking for love in the wrong place and with the wrong person.His superficial belief that he wants someone else’s woman for the convenience is a lie he defensively tells himself.Anyway, the married man like his supposed competition is afraid of a deeper intimacy as well. His willingness to live in a limited marital relationship thinly disguises this fear of deeper love and intimacy.By the way, when people say they are afraid of intimacy, think ‘exposure’ to what they themselves have difficulty accepting in themselves.Usually at the beginning of such an arrangement, when the triangle is young so to speak, the ‘other man’ usually tells himself he likes this arrangement because he doesn’t have to make a commitment.